Information Overload
by Dcfan100
Summary: Captain America just wants to take a normal walk through New York, as if the paparazzi would ever let him do something as normal as that. Happy 4th of July!


**Happy 4th of July! So even though I have a ton of other stuff to write, I decided to try my hand at doing a Captain America centered humor fic. It was originally all serious and reflective about America's past and what she stands for and then I said "ah what the heck" and went ahead and wrote this, the results? Meh. Anyway, I just hope it's not total garbage. Constructive Criticism, reviews and ideas are welcome, flames are not. ALSO, in this story, everyone knows caps secret identity, just roll with it. ROLL WITH IT PEOPLE! I hope you enjoy and HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!**

**Disclaimer: This can be considered at most, a non official promotional piece for Avengers: EMH, no copyright is intended. Please don't sue me. Seriously, I have like no cash.  
**

A tall muscular figure tightly clad in a dark full length suit with an equally dark pair of shades and a hat strolled down the streets of uptown New York. His dark demeanor and costume oddly clashing with the currently upbeat and sunny attitude of the Big Apple. This man was of course, Steven Rogers, doing his best to hide from what was probably the 21st centuries most hideous invention, the paparazzi. He shuddered at the very thought of it.

The mere statement that he thought the newspapers were annoying in 1944 was a testament to the fact that he hadn't seen anything yet. Suddenly, it seemed that everyone in the whole wide world had to know everything, about everyone from everywhere at every single stinking time of the day! That wouldn't have been so bad if people hadn't constantly come after him trying to know every little detail about his life and his opinions on everything. And not even his opinion on relevant things, in the past reporters asked much better questions. Stuff like

"Do you support FDR's New Deal?"

"Is General Patton's liberal use of artillery justified?"

"What do you think of Elvis being drafted?"

"Are T.V dinners contributing to the moral decline and seperation of modern day families adding to the economic strain and higher taxes?"

"MARRY ME! MARRY ME NOW!"

Okay, so the last one was really more of a demand. Oh well, no use living in the past. Still he longed for the good old days, when he didn't have to ask Tony to put a restraining order on the people that kept trying to break into the mansion to take pictures of him while he slept. He wasn't like Tony or Hawkeye who would do there "Tweeting" (which just sounded like lingo for using the bathroom for some reason) during the middle of a fight.

"TonyStark StarkEnterprises

M.O.D.O.K's head,

that's the joke lolololol!"

Still, since he still liked to buy his own groceries and since he didn't like staying cooped up in the mansion all day, he was often forced to go out into the street in disguise. So, here he was, bundled up like one of the secret service agents that Roosevelt used to send to guard him whenever he came back to the United States. He breathed a sigh of relief as the mansion came into sight. Finally, just one more block and he was home...

"Excuse me, could you help me get my cat out of the tree, he's stuck up there and won't come down."

Of course it was a little girl who needed help, it was always a little girl who needed help! The Captain let loose a few choice words beneath his breath.

"Doggone, tarnation it all," (okay choice words for the 40's.) "Of course," he said with a smile. Climbing the tree without dropping the disguise was easy enough. He even managed to pick up the surprisingly calm kitten with ease. It wasn't until the cat playfully knocked his hat off causing Steve to try and catch it while dropping his glasses that things started to turn south.

"Thanks Mister!" the girl exclaimed, before she looked back up at him. "Hey," she said after a slight pause. "Aren't you..."

"Uhh, I'm sorry kid but I've got to run," he said as the people around him gradually began to stare and whisper. Suddenly, a horde of reporters appeared. Steve glanced at his watch, five seconds, a new record.

"Dave was right!"

"It's the Captain!"

"Quickly! Catch him!"

"Before he gets away!" Ignoring the fact that he'd heard Hydra agents use the exact same lines from seventy years ago, Captain America took off with his near super human speed. He whizzed by a row of apartments forcing his legs to carry him as fast as possible.

"Captain over here!" a reporter shouted climbing out of the bushes followed by at least half a dozen more.

"Heavens, they're multiplying," he mumbled to himself as he tried to dodge them all.

"Is it true that you and Tony are dating?" Why? Why was that always the first question out of anyone's mouth?

"Are you voting for Mitt Romney this year?" And here came the politics. Apparently being Captain **America **meant being 50 percent patriotic and 50 percent endless political bickering between two parties, neither of which could help him get to his own front door safely.

"Is it true you think Obama is a money wasting monster?"

"Is it true you think Romney favors letting evil corporations run wild?"

"Are you going to vote for Obama this year?"

"Are you going to vote for Ron Paul this year?"

"Are you going to vote for Joseph Kony this year?"

"Are you voting for Vermin Supreme this year?"

"Are you going to be running for president this year! Because I'd totally vote for you!" Cap slid under the reporter before vaulting over the next one and rushing towards the gate all while being tailed by people yelling.

"Should Ohio be considered a state?"

"Should we ban bacon?"

"Is the Burger King man creepy?"

"What should we do about North Korea!"

"Is Elvis alive?"

"If there was a movie about you, would you like Neil Patrick Harris to play you?"

"Has Hollywood run out of ideas!"

"Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?"

"Is this stuff really butter?" a final fat guy at the back of the pack yelled dipping his fingers into a tin of stuff that was apparently not butter. Cap reached the gate finally and launched himself over yelling.

"Jarvis, priority override, Captain America!" the electrical fence shut off for a brief moment allowing Steve to safely land on the other side.

"Is global warming a real problem?"

"Should M Night Shamalyan be sent back to film school?"

"Should another Robo Cop sequel be made?"

"I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES! PLEASE MARRY ME!"

Cap gave a small sigh of satisfaction as he raced to the door with the comfortable knowledge that some things never change.

* * *

"Crossbow or classic?" Hawkeye asked holding up two bows.

"Which one works better?" Cap asked with a tired face as Hawkeye nodded to himself before walking out.

"Ho Captain!" Thor boomed stepping in from behind Hawkeye. "Should I try to surprise Jane Foster at her doctors gathering tonight?"

"Does your lighting still qualify as a severe thunder storm warning?" Cap replied as Thor tapped his chin and nodded.

"Hey Steve, Miss December or Miss April for my date tonight?" Tony Stark asked, adjusting his tie as he walked through the room.

"Can you be trusted to treat either one of them responsibly?" Cap replied grumpily.

"Your right, not with either one, I should ask them both!" Tony grinned before walking out.

"Steve?" Jan piped up. Captain America face palmed.

"Why? Why do people always come to me with there questions? I'm not an advisor or a politician or a celebrity. I'm just a soldier, a regular G.I, I'm just a person! Why do people always want to talk to me?" Jan stopped and looked at him with a half concerned, half humored look.

"That's just it," she smiled. "I mean you are really the first Avenger, you're also the first one on the team without superpowers. The rest of us all have strange weapons or abilities and if we don't have that, it's some heavy personal baggage. You're kind of the most normal one here. I know it's going to sound corny but...you stand for everything America stands for, freedom, liberty, justice and the common person out on the street. I know it gets pretty overwhelming but your the guy everyone looks up to, the guy everyone wants to be like. The guy who probably has the best advice."  
Steve looked up at her curiously. Jan just smiled back at him.

"Thanks," he finally said, his face breaking out into a grin.

"No prob," Jan grinned getting up to leave. "Oh yeah, almost forgot, Red or Yellow?" she asked holding up two pairs of shoes.

**Whoooo, and that is that. A short little one shot, I hope you all enjoyed and I hope you have a very happy Independence Day!**


End file.
